She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
