you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
