I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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