Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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