I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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