Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just found puke in my bra..
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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