No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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