do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
