That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
