I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
