Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
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I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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