need another drink. this is the easiest way
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
