Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
