It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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