I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
