I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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