turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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