my room smells like sperm. sweet.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
