Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
