oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
