zippers are such a cool invention
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
