On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
