they need to just BURY HIM!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
