My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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