so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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