I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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