I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
