omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Randomize
