the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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