Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
