I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
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I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
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He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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