U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
