the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
