I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
