no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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