i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
