I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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