So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
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Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
ok first of all what the fuck
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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