i jhust puked up my retainher.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
