I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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