Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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