i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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