Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
40s are totally the cure
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
