What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
