garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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