the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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