he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
