I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
