He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
