the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
