i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
