I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
