I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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