After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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