she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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