omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
