You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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