My liver just broke up with me...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
