i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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