Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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