all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
3 2 1 whiskey
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
