You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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