seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
