Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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