He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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