Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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