your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
