why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
