the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
