I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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