You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
