Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
