dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
