Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
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