How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
