i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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