yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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