She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
is that a dick in a sweater?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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