She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
