Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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