Kiss
Puke
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
